Last week I went to the George Michael show at the Forum.  It was such a religious experience that I can barely speak of it.  It was like seeing Jesus Christ in person.  George’s voice was like a chorus of angels.  I actually cried when he sang “A Different Corner”.  He was that good.  Pristine…magical.  I have tears right now as I think back on it.  Don’t get me started on “Careless Whisper”.

I’ve been sad ever since I was unable to see Wham! at the Poplar Creek in 1986.  I thought my chance to hear George sing had been lost forever.  I waited 22 years and finally….FINALLY!

Anal Sex in Accordance with God’s Will

Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.

“I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin.”

This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.

“Isn’t anal sex dirty?”

The Bible says, “To the pure, all things are pure.” (Titus 1:15) The Lord created your body, and no part of it is imperfect or unclean. God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways, including standard sexual intercourse, that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with a partner.

“If you’re going to have anal sex, why not just have regular sex?”

This is a good question: If you’re going to have sexual contact before marriage, why not just go the whole nine yards and have regular sex? There are many good reasons for having anal sex instead. The first reason is practical: having conventional vaginal intercourse can lead to unwanted pregnancies. While it’s true that the Lord bade us to “be fruitful and multiply,” (Gen 1:22) the Bible also counsels that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecl. 3:1) Pregnancy outside of wedlock can have dire and life-altering consequences for all those involved. Having anal sex allows you to greatly reduce this risk.

Finally, anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage. This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner. Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.

There is some retard named Jon Anthony Christiansen Jr who keeps emailing me because we have the same name. This guy seems to be a delusional psychopath who cannot even write the English language properly. You may feel free to never email me again you psychopathic douchebag. Please take your meds and have a nice life.

Is this his picture? Probably.

Here’s a great article from Helium.  It’s about hair replacement.  Everything in this article is 100% true.  Think before you put a rug on your head.

Have you ever seen those infomercials about hair loss?  You know the ones; they promise you a full head of hair that will be “real”.  They promise that your “real hair” will change your life.  They promise that you can swim and exercise and do all of the things that you did before you lost your hair.  Yeah, you know the ones I’m talking about.  Well here’s the real scoop that those glossy ads don’t tell you.

The “real hair” that you’ll be enjoying will cost you upwards of $2,500 for your first time.  Oh, and let’s get this out of the way, your “real hair” is nothing but a toupee.  The same or similar to the kind you saw your grandfather wear in 1975.  The toupee is usually (read the fine print of your lengthy contract) made from real hair that’s been obtained from some mystery source and manufactured in Chinese factories.

In addition to the initial charge you’ll be surprised to find out that it is only designed to last for about 3 months.  If you want more “hair” you’ll need to join a maintenance program that will cost a minimum of $200 per month.  More exclusive programs cost up to $800 a month.  This information, unless you specifically ask, is only disclosed to you after you’ve had most of your remaining hair shaved and have submitted to getting the first toupee glued to your scalp.

Yes, I said glued.  In fact, it’s not only glue but “medical grade adhesive”.  It is glue that many people are actually quite allergic to.  Again, read your fine print.  A glue that despite the fancy ads claiming otherwise will break down if you’re swimming or if you exercise and sweat excessively.  In fact a short drive in 80 degree weather may require a mirror and touch up glue before you leave your car.

Oh yes, let’s touch on the touch up glue.  Those ads do promise a change in your lifestyle.  They are quite accurate in that regard.  You will be required to spend up to an extra hour a day touching up your toupee with your own glue.  Don’t worry if you don’t have any wig glue, the company will be glad to sell you some at $15 bucks a pop, which will last you all of 2 weeks.  You’ll also need to be sure to use the proper shampoo, conditioner, and styling products, as your “hair” will need extra nutrients since it is not actually growing from your scalp.  Again, don’t worry if you don’t have these products, the company will sell you a $35 bottle of their “special” shampoo.

What about hair styles?  Will you be able to have a hip and stylish do?  Many of the stylists that are employed typically only have experience at your local “discount” strip mall type cutting places.  Those that don’t have that much experience may even come directly from beauty school, but don’t worry about that; after a 2 week training period they will be all set to glue your toupee to your head.

If you still absolutely insist upon getting one of these things glued to your head here are a few tips and questions you absolutely should ask before you go.  Keep in mind that you will be dealing with a hard sell “Used Car” type of sales person.  They will use every trick in the book to make a sale.  Make sure you are educated before you spend your hard earned cash.

• What is the bottom line?  Ask “How much in total is this going to cost me?”  Get it in writing.  The numbers often change once you get the toupee on your head.
• Also, don’t accept the first price you’re given.  The sales people are there to make a commission and are always willing to lower the number in order to get paid.  Negotiate.
• Ask to meet your stylist.  Find out their individual skills and qualifications.  This is especially important for African-Americans, as not all of these stylists have worked with your type of hair.  If you are not comfortable with that person ask for someone else.
• Ask where your “hair” is coming from.  Many companies get their “European” hair from China.  Again, for African-Americans this is important.  Your product will be Asian hair processed to match your curl pattern.  This is important as the texture will likely never be quite right.
• Read your contract thoroughly.  There is a LOT of fine print.  Know your rights before you sign.  Typically they are willing to negotiate terms to make a sale.  DO NOT ACCEPT ANY VERBAL PROMISES.  Get any changes in writing and make sure you’re given a copy of EVERYTHING you sign.
• Make sure you receive everything in the contract.  You often get a “free” sample hair care kit and a few “free” follow up visits.  They will often try to hide these facts from you.
• Be wary of “customers” who come in to testify to their wondrous results.  These are often employees who have already been briefed on your situation and will adjust their tales accordingly.
• NEVER leave a styling chair unsatisfied.  If the stylist is not getting it right make them fix it.  They are REQUIRED to style the toupee to your satisfaction.  It is in your contract, if by chance it isn’t make sure it is before you sign and pay.

As with any industry there are good companies and there are bad.  If you are not given EXACTLY what you want from a hair replacement company do not be afraid to walk out and try another company.

 Basically what you’ll look like.

Ummm…my blog is NOT for douchebags.  If you are a douchebag please feel free to leave now.  I will not respond to you.  If you would like to have an intelligent conversation feel free to email.  If not, GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Do you think maybe this chick’s boyfriend is a little gay?

OK, so I was coming to work today and I was disturbed by the large number of homeless people I was seeing.  I got to think about solutions to the problem.  How do we help these people?  How should our government help these people?  I came up with a plan.

I think that homeless people should be tagged and studied.  Much like the way we study animals in the wild.  They would be fitted with some sort of ear tag tracking device which would track their movements and habits.   If they stray into  good neighborhoods then a crew would be sent out to take them back to skid row.  Anyone who is homeless more than a year, maybe two, would be rounded up and put in some sort of homeless camp far on the outskirts of the city or perhaps Mexico.  I came up with that part after I saw this homeless woman wandering around my neighborhood for about the past 10 years.  There’s really no reason for a person to homeless that long.  She needs to go.   It’s really disturbing.

Now I do realize that there are reasons for homelessness that are sometimes beyond a person’s control, like losing a job or a natural disaster or fire.  I certainly understand how that could happen and we all need to rally around people when shit like that happens.  However, it only takes you so long to get back on your feet and if you chose to live outside the norms of society then you need to be removed from society.  There’s really no reason that the rest of society should be bothered by your lack of conformity.

Does that make me a bad person because I think that way?  I mean seriously, shouldn’t people be able to walk down the street without being accosted by homeless people?  Should people have to endure the smells of these people as you are going about your life and minding your own business?  I don’t know.  I don’t really have any answers, just an opinion.

Here’s to you!  I raise a glass to EVERYONE!  End of discussion.  I’m off to celebrate VICTORY!

Do you all know how fucking revolutionary this is?  Do you know that you are witnessing history?  This is like ‘where were you when Kennedy was shot’.  Remember this day.  It is one of the greatest days in American HISTORY!  Hillary has won Ohio and she’s won TEXAS!!!!!  This is the greatest day ever that was in my adult life.