Have you ever seen those infomercials about hair loss?  You know the ones; they promise you a full head of hair that will be “real”.  They promise that your “real hair” will change your life.  They promise that you can swim and exercise and do all of the things that you did before you lost your hair.  Yeah, you know the ones I’m talking about.  Well here’s the real scoop that those glossy ads don’t tell you.

The “real hair” that you’ll be enjoying will cost you upwards of $2,500 for your first time.  Oh, and let’s get this out of the way, your “real hair” is nothing but a toupee.  The same or similar to the kind you saw your grandfather wear in 1975.  The toupee is usually (read the fine print of your lengthy contract) made from real hair that’s been obtained from some mystery source and manufactured in Chinese factories.

In addition to the initial charge you’ll be surprised to find out that it is only designed to last for about 3 months.  If you want more “hair” you’ll need to join a maintenance program that will cost a minimum of $200 per month.  More exclusive programs cost up to $800 a month.  This information, unless you specifically ask, is only disclosed to you after you’ve had most of your remaining hair shaved and have submitted to getting the first toupee glued to your scalp.

Yes, I said glued.  In fact, it’s not only glue but “medical grade adhesive”.  It is glue that many people are actually quite allergic to.  Again, read your fine print.  A glue that despite the fancy ads claiming otherwise will break down if you’re swimming or if you exercise and sweat excessively.  In fact a short drive in 80 degree weather may require a mirror and touch up glue before you leave your car.

Oh yes, let’s touch on the touch up glue.  Those ads do promise a change in your lifestyle.  They are quite accurate in that regard.  You will be required to spend up to an extra hour a day touching up your toupee with your own glue.  Don’t worry if you don’t have any wig glue, the company will be glad to sell you some at $15 bucks a pop, which will last you all of 2 weeks.  You’ll also need to be sure to use the proper shampoo, conditioner, and styling products, as your “hair” will need extra nutrients since it is not actually growing from your scalp.  Again, don’t worry if you don’t have these products, the company will sell you a $35 bottle of their “special” shampoo.

What about hair styles?  Will you be able to have a hip and stylish do?  Many of the stylists that are employed typically only have experience at your local “discount” strip mall type cutting places.  Those that don’t have that much experience may even come directly from beauty school, but don’t worry about that; after a 2 week training period they will be all set to glue your toupee to your head.

If you still absolutely insist upon getting one of these things glued to your head here are a few tips and questions you absolutely should ask before you go.  Keep in mind that you will be dealing with a hard sell “Used Car” type of sales person.  They will use every trick in the book to make a sale.  Make sure you are educated before you spend your hard earned cash.

• What is the bottom line?  Ask “How much in total is this going to cost me?”  Get it in writing.  The numbers often change once you get the toupee on your head.
• Also, don’t accept the first price you’re given.  The sales people are there to make a commission and are always willing to lower the number in order to get paid.  Negotiate.
• Ask to meet your stylist.  Find out their individual skills and qualifications.  This is especially important for African-Americans, as not all of these stylists have worked with your type of hair.  If you are not comfortable with that person ask for someone else.
• Ask where your “hair” is coming from.  Many companies get their “European” hair from China.  Again, for African-Americans this is important.  Your product will be Asian hair processed to match your curl pattern.  This is important as the texture will likely never be quite right.
• Read your contract thoroughly.  There is a LOT of fine print.  Know your rights before you sign.  Typically they are willing to negotiate terms to make a sale.  DO NOT ACCEPT ANY VERBAL PROMISES.  Get any changes in writing and make sure you’re given a copy of EVERYTHING you sign.
• Make sure you receive everything in the contract.  You often get a “free” sample hair care kit and a few “free” follow up visits.  They will often try to hide these facts from you.
• Be wary of “customers” who come in to testify to their wondrous results.  These are often employees who have already been briefed on your situation and will adjust their tales accordingly.
• NEVER leave a styling chair unsatisfied.  If the stylist is not getting it right make them fix it.  They are REQUIRED to style the toupee to your satisfaction.  It is in your contract, if by chance it isn’t make sure it is before you sign and pay.

As with any industry there are good companies and there are bad.  If you are not given EXACTLY what you want from a hair replacement company do not be afraid to walk out and try another company.

 Basically what you’ll look like.

]]> http://jonchristiansen.net/blog/2008/03/26/hair-replacement/feed/ 1 http://jonchristiansen.net/blog/2006/12/06/hair-club/ http://jonchristiansen.net/blog/2006/12/06/hair-club/#comments Wed, 06 Dec 2006 21:27:47 +0000 Jon http://jonchristiansen.net/blog/2006/12/06/hair-club/ Has anyone ever tried the Hair Club for Men?  Don’t bother!!!! It is quite a rip off.  Especially in Los Angeles.  Don’t even bother wasting your time with this shit.  They will try to sell you a toupee for $1500 and then make you pay anywhere from $200-$700 a month to maintain this shit.  That’s what they don’t tell you when you sign up.  In addition, they will try to sell you a program for about $2000 which consists of some shitty shampoo and Minoxidil.  FYI, you can get Minoxidil at a drug store for about $30.  Plus the people are mostly rude and ignorant.

And NO!!! Before you ask I’m not bald.  These are things I just know.