jonchristiansen.net Blog » Uncategorized

Midwest Floods

Jon — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 19:45:34 +0000

Here’s an interesting junk email I got, but I have to say I totally agree with it.

As you watch the flooding in the Midwest, have you noticed that there are no farmers running around with stolen plasma TVs or holding stolen liquor over their heads.

There’s no looting or yelling “Where’s Bush?”, “Where’s FEMA?, Where’s my check?”, or “Why isn’t the Government out here saving me and my farm?”

Likewise, I’ve also noticed there are no reports of any other country coming to help, or sending aid.

And where are Reverends Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton?

Shocking contrast isn’t it?

George Michael Concert

Jon — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 19:46:28 +0000

Last week I went to the George Michael show at the Forum. It was such a religious experience that I can barely speak of it. It was like seeing Jesus Christ in person. George’s voice was like a chorus of angels. I actually cried when he sang “A Different Corner”. He was that good. Pristine…magical. I have tears right now as I think back on it. Don’t get me started on “Careless Whisper”.

I’ve been sad ever since I was unable to see Wham! at the Poplar Creek in 1986. I thought my chance to hear George sing had been lost forever. I waited 22 years and finally….FINALLY!

Fierce article I found on some website

Jon — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:16:29 +0000

Anal Sex in Accordance with God’s Will

Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.

You may be shocked at first by this idea. Isn’t anal sex (sodomy) forbidden by the Bible? Isn’t anal sex dirty? What’s the difference between having anal sex before marriage and having regular intercourse? Let’s address these issues by debunking some myths about anal sex and God’s will.

“I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin.”

This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.

In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: “How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ‘ Who will come against me?’ (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

“Isn’t anal sex dirty?”

The Bible says, “To the pure, all things are pure.” (Titus 1:15) The Lord created your body, and no part of it is imperfect or unclean. God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways, including standard sexual intercourse, that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with a partner.

Although the anus is used for elimination, in reality it is not as dirty as you think, especially after a shower or bath. Elimination is also a natural process of our God-given bodies, so our conception of the anal area as dirty has more to do with our own psychological hang-ups. If the idea of direct contact with this area is still distasteful to you, the male can wear a condom as a barrier

“If you’re going to have anal sex, why not just have regular sex?”

This is a good question: If you’re going to have sexual contact before marriage, why not just go the whole nine yards and have regular sex? There are many good reasons for having anal sex instead. The first reason is practical: having conventional vaginal intercourse can lead to unwanted pregnancies. While it’s true that the Lord bade us to “be fruitful and multiply,” (Gen 1:22) the Bible also counsels that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecl. 3:1) Pregnancy outside of wedlock can have dire and life-altering consequences for all those involved. Having anal sex allows you to greatly reduce this risk.

Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.

Finally, anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage. This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner. Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.

Retard Jon Anthony Christiansen Jr

Jon — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 04:24:07 +0000

There is some retard named Jon Anthony Christiansen Jr who keeps emailing me because we have the same name. This guy seems to be a delusional psychopath who cannot even write the English language properly. You may feel free to never email me again you psychopathic douchebag. Please take your meds and have a nice life.

Is this his picture? Probably.

Poop fun

Jon — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 23:16:16 +0000

Douchebags

Jon — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:56:42 +0000

Ummm…my blog is NOT for douchebags. If you are a douchebag please feel free to leave now. I will not respond to you. If you would like to have an intelligent conversation feel free to email. If not, GO FUCK YOURSELF!

The Greatest Movie EVER!

Jon — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 19:20:14 +0000

What’s so special about Jesus?

Jon — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 19:04:59 +0000

I’m not so sure what is so special about Jesus. I think he just had a message that people of that time wanted or needed to hear. They were looking for answers about their mortality that other religions of the time were not answering and Jesus was very good at PR. Tell people what they want to hear and they will blindly follow. Is Jesus any different than anyone else who tries to sell us something? We buy “Tide” because we’re told that it cleans our clothes better. We drive a “BMW” because we’re told that it’s better than the next car. We buy expensive designer clothes because the advertising tells us they’re better. Religion is no different. Jesus was selling something and people bought it because they were told his message was better than the others.

Repost Shopping at Christmastime

Jon — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 21:33:05 +0000

I thought I’d repost a post I made last year around this time. It has just as much meaning this year as it did last.

I went shopping today. Hmmm….it wasn’t quite as bad as I thought it was gonna be. I actually went last Monday and it was a 100 times worse than today. That was really strange. I guess people are out of town for the holiday. I don’t know. Anyway…my main gripe with the shopping was all of the fucking children at the mall. I went to the Burbank mall, ‘cuz I fucking hate the Beverly Center which is just a few blocks from my house. There were so many fucking children running around. What is the deal? Why do entire families need to go shopping at the same fucking time? Let the kids visit Grandma while you shop. Or, why can’t the dad stay at home and watch the kids while the mother goes out and does the Christmas shopping. Or maybe the dad can go to the mall and leave the mom at home with the kids. Men are better at shopping anyway. In any case, the point is, there is no need to bring the kids along with you. Especially the ones in strollers. If you’re gonna go shopping at a mall leave the babies somewhere else. Or if you do bring the fucking brat in the stroller, at least be considerate enough to move your fucking stroller out of the way so that people who are in a hurry and have lots of shopping to do can do it without being run over or walking into your spawn. I spent more time walking around strollers than I did shopping. At least be courteous enough to push the stroller fast enough to keep the flow moving.

Another thing…If you have a 3 or 4 year old kid, put the fucking thing on a leash. If you don’t wanna put your kid on a leash at least teach them some fucking manners. Or again might I suggest you leave them at home. Uncivillized children have no place at all in polite society. Especially when I have shopping to do.

Sarah Silverman RULES!

Jon — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 04:48:43 +0000

Sarah Silverman FUCKING RULES! Have you seen the show? It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. She is fucking genius. Love her. Watch it on Comedy Central.